Trans People Trying to Find Love

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Sep 21 '20 | By Serenity | Views: 1311 | Comments: 0
Trans People Trying to Find Love

A fairy tale love story is everyone’s dream. Everyone is looking for that ‘happily ever after ‘kind of love. But modern-day dating is a complicated business. Everyone is looking for the perfect partner. So we go on dating people one after the other, hoping to meet the perfect one soon. For transgender people, dating is even more challenging. Their options get vastly limited by their identity. Surely, they can walk into bars and cafes and look for a date the way cis people do, but you never know the consequences. If they seek out someone to date socially at an event or a party, they have to often hide their identity. Once they start dating someone, they just hope for the best when they’ve dated someone long enough to tell them about their identity.


If they are socially open about being transgender, they have to limit themselves to places that are not transphobic. And it might be a challenge to find such places in small towns and cities. So trans people are always taking chances. Even at the cost of their safety and security, they sometimes take chances because the urge to feel loved is the same everywhere.


All this makes trans people trying to find love very vulnerable. They are vulnerable to all kinds of abuse and violence. There are probably so many transphobic people lurking out there who harbor not just apathy but plain hatred for trans people. And if a trans person is trying to look for love offline outside the circle of their friends or acquaintances, then they are easily prone to becoming victims of such people.


This article tells you about various ways in which trans people can find love and also overcome the challenges that come with the whole process.



Try to Find Love Online


It’s true that online dating might not work for everyone in the long term. But it’s a good place to start. At least, it’s safe and secure. Once you join a transgender dating site, you can at least chat with as many people you like without having to worry about hatred or abuse. The best part is you don’t have to meet anyone until and unless you want. And if you are just good with talking to people online, so be it. There is no pressure to meet anyone in online transsexual dating.


With conventional offline dating, your options are limited. But with online dating, you can meet a variety of interesting people. This increases the probability of you meeting the right person. The best thing about dating through a site specifically meant for transgender people is that you don’t have to worry so much about the chance of other people not knowing your identity. However, it’s best to be cautious and upfront. Reveal your identity to the person the moment you start communicating with them. You don’t want to waste your time talking to someone over a period of time who would run away the moment they hear you are trans.


 

Find Love through Friends


This has its pros and cons. The advantages are that you can be surer about the kind of person you would be dating. There would be fewer chances of them being a fraud or transphobic. The disadvantage obviously is that you have fairly limited options to choose from.


But as a transgender person, safety is one of your most important concerns. So from that point of view, dating someone through friends is quite safe. Your best bet would be to go out with someone who is directly known to your friends. That way you can be sure that they cannot harass you or get you into some kind of trouble. Another way to find a date is to obviously go to social gatherings of friends and friends of friends. Now here, you have to use your own judgment. One meets all kinds of people at social gatherings and not all of them will be personally known to your friends. So be a bit cautious and alert.


Ultimately, it’s all about your gut instinct. It’s rather unfortunate that as a trans person, you just have to worry about your safety all the time. Even when you are dating someone, the thing that preoccupies the most is if they will harm you or not. That reflects the sad state of affairs for trans people across the world. But things are changing, albeit slowly.



Stay Away from People who treat You Like Fetish


With trans people, unfortunately, there is a whole army of guys out there who would treat them like a fetish. It is easy to fall into the trap of such people because many a time, they might be the only ones wanting to date a trans person. And they’ll be so forthcoming and all that. You might just end up believing that they’ve fallen in love with you for good. But don’t fall into that trap. These guys are what we ‘chasers’. They are chasing you only because they want to get laid with someone who is a transgender. It sounds blunt but that’s the truth.


If you are just looking for some fun, it might not be that bad an idea. But if you are looking for dating someone, they’ll just end up hurting you. For a chaser, you are only an exotic fetish. They just want to check you out how you look when you guys get physical and then they are probably going to brag about it in front of their friends that I had a great night with a trans woman.


If you are a little bit alert, it’s pretty easy to spot the ‘trans fetish’ guy. He would seem to be so much into you that it would come across as too good to be true. And it will be that only if you take our word.



Always Listen to Your Gut Feeling


Our gut feeling is the voice of intuition. It might seem a bit illogical and superstitious at first but a gut feeling rarely goes wrong. You met someone through a transsexual dating app, it’s all going well and you are planning on meeting them for the first time. If there is a voice in the back of your head that says ‘no, don’t’, then you should listen to that voice.


It’s possible that you are over-thinking but even then, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Never try to negate your own intuition. Intuition will obviously not tell you the reasons behind something right away. But it will definitely give you a hint if the direction in which you are going is not quite right. And you’ll eventually figure out the reasons as well.



Be Safe


Safety is the most important thing. There are many psychos lurking out there whose only intention in life is to probably harm a transgender person. So take all the necessary precautions. If you go out on a date with someone, keep someone close to you informed. Text them the venue address. If possible, ask them to hang out somewhere close to the venue so that they are nearby if you need help.


Never meet anyone at their place for a date, no matter how much they sweet talk you into doing that. If they invite you for some house party or want to meet in some private place, just decline politely but firmly. When you date someone, make it a point to meet them only in public. Only when you are really sure this is getting somewhere for good, should you take it to the next level.


Try to do some investigation from your own end about the kind of person you are dating. One obvious way of doing this is to look for their profile on social media. Check out the information provided by them to see if there is any discrepancy between what they told you and what is out there. If you cannot find them on social media at all, that too is a red flag. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are dodgy but still, you should be on your guard.


Love is the most beautiful feeling of life. True love elevates us to another level. And you don’t deserve to go through hatred and abuse in the process of finding love. So just go slow and gentle and trust your instinct.



Never Lose Hope


As a transgender person trying to find love, it is quite possible that you feel dejected at times and begin to lose hope. But if you stay strong and resilient, you will definitely overcome it. If you have dated a couple of times and it still hasn’t worked out, just take a break and relax. Life is not always about dating. Just go with the flow and meet people. Sometimes, we meet that special person of our life in places and situations we are least expecting to. Dating is not the only way to meet the love of your life. Sometimes, when you just let go of certain things and live life, wonderful things happen.


Concentrate on yourself, your hobbies, and your interests. Redefine your life if you think you’ve gotten stuck into the same old, boring routine for long. Sometimes, things don’t work out because we get trapped in monotony. We don’t realize it at that time. But this monotony goes on circulating sameness and prevents new and exciting things from happening. Break the pattern.

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