Gender Dysphoria - Becoming Rain Part 2 from RainingFire's blog

Hello everyone my name is Rain Nicole, Welcome to part 2 of my Blog. "Becoming Rain." Today I wanted to talk about Gender Dysphoria and. So pull up a chair, eat some popcorn, drink a soda and enjoy reading a little bit of my back ground!

As a child I never had Gender Dysphoria. Not in the same way I see and hear other Trans people having to go through it. I grew up rather normal. Normal taste.. But I did have a slight preference for woman's clothing. I even raided my sisters and mothers closet for high heels, determined to learn how to walk in them at the age of four. Then I twisted my ankle and my mom said no more. Every now and then my sisters would dress me up, put me in a dress, make up, little sandles and I would pretend to not like it. But going back in memory. I honestly preferred it to boys clothing. But I wouldn't admit that, because girls clothing was for girls and I was a boy! I was not supposed to like girl stuff. I never paid it much mind and moved on with the day.

As I got older, I found that role playing as a female felt sooo much better then role playing as a male. I didn't under stand men. And I always fit in better with girls then boys. I knew that I wasn't normal for a kid. That I was weird and didn't really fit in any where. So what was wrong with me? At this age I had no idea..

By the time I knew what sex was, all my fantasies included being the female in a male and female relationship. I won't go into detail but.. The idea of being male disgusted me. 

Then at age 19 I found out that I could be transgender. Then Dysphoria hit me hard. I finally understood what was wrong with me. I was not meant to be born with a penis. I felt trapped within my own skin, as if it was tightening around me, threatening to suffocate me like a constrictor snake.

So what happened? I went from not having any self hate for my body, just confusion and the feeling of never being able to fit in. To self loathing and near panic attacks because my eyes were finally opened.. As I have written this out for you all, I think I have finally put the puzzle together. Gender Dysphoria was always there, lurking inside me. I buried it, for what ever reason. I never had the words to describe my feelings. But once I did, the feelings came to the forefront of my mind.

Well.. My eyes have been opened to further understand how I been feeling just from typing this. Thank you all for reading. Let me know how you all deal with gender dysphoria and some of your symptoms. See you all next time!