How to Deal With a Family That Doesn’t Accept Your Trans Partner

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Sep 24 '20 | By Serenity | Views: 696 | Comments: 0
How to Deal With a Family That Doesn’t Accept Your Trans Partner

When it comes to choosing between your family and your partner, it’s a decision you want to postpone till eternity. And honestly speaking, you don’t have to make that decision. It’s possible to have a normal, working relationship with your family even if they disapprove of your partner. And most importantly, it keeps the channels of communication open. There is still that hope to finally convince them. When you are dating a transgender person, things can get especially difficult. For a majority of mainstream families, this might come across as a shock.


Unfortunately, we still live in a society where trans phobia is more common than rare. Most families would have some kind of prejudice against a transgender person. So, the most important thing is not to freak out when your family tells you that they won’t accept your relationship under any circumstances. Stand your ground firmly but at the same time, do not mess up things with your family either.


This article gives you a couple of tips that would come in useful while dealing with a family that doesn’t accept your transgender partner.

 


Communicate With Your Family


This is the most important thing. You have to constantly communicate with your family in order to make them understand the importance of you dating that particular person. If you know for sure that your parents are heavily prejudiced against transgender people, don’t tell them everything in one go. Create the right ambience for revealing the truth. Try to build a conversation around general topics like how all individuals are unique and different and how it is important to not judge anyone by their identity tag. Take the conversation a bit further and then try talking about transgender people; explain to them how society has changed and that people can live the life of their choice without being judged.


Once you feel the conversation is getting somewhere, you can make the big announcement. They might be totally shocked and outright dismissive of the relationship.  Take it easy. Do not freak out. Prejudices don’t go away that fast. Give them some time for the reality to sink in. Always keep open the channels of communication.


After the initial task of communicating to them the gender identity of your partner, it’s important to focus more on their personality and attributes. Tell your parents about the great personality traits of your partner. Open up to them about your journey together that how your partner has changed your life for good. Talking about the positive aspects of your relationship is a good way to convince your parents. After a point, the conversation shouldn’t revolve around your partner’s trans identity. It should be simply about them as an individual.



Create Certain Boundaries


You love and respect your family and it should be always like that. But at the same time, you have to make it clear that they cannot disrespect your trans partner. When you meet someone through a transgender dating app and begin to date them, you both have to take a vow of safeguarding each other’s integrity and respect. That is the basic foundation of a good relationship.


So, if any of your family members begin to say rude and disrespectful things about your partner, ask them to stop the conversation right away. Don’t lose your calm. Tell them politely but firmly that you don’t think that’s a nice way to talk about your partner. If they still persist, just walk away saying you would see them perhaps some other time. There is no point in arguing and counterarguing. Just tell them firmly that you can’t continue the conversation if they talk about your partner like that. If they still don’t understand, just leave. This would have a powerful impact and set automatic boundaries.


It is important to find the right balance between your relationship with your parents and your partner. While your partner deserves all your love and respect, your parents too are important. They have their own perspective and even though it’s wrong, you just cannot shout at them or be rude because they are your family. That is where setting boundaries work. If you just lay down certain rules as to what you would and what you wouldn’t tolerate, you can still maintain a normal relationship with your family.



Do Not Compromise on Your Partner’s Self Respect


While it’s important to respect your family, it’s equally important that you take a stand when things get too much. If they have disrespected your partner in person and he/she is hurt, it’s about time you stop taking your partner to meet your family. It’s simply not worth it. While it’s good to keep trying that your family accepts the relationship, your partner cannot be a scapegoat in the sequence of things. If things have reached a critical point, it’s best to take a break. Start maintaining a certain distance. Communicate to them through your cold behaviour that you don’t approve of the way they treat your partner.




A transgender person has literally gone through a lot of hell in life. They need your unconditional love and support. So, if your family is constantly disrespecting them, just don’t get your partner involved in that drama. Keep a separate relationship with your family but keep your partner out of it.


Also, when you are alone with your partner, address any concerns that they have about your family. It is natural that they would be a bit scared and insecure thinking you might leave them because of your family. Comfort your partner and tell him/her that you would always be by their side, no matter what. Remember that family is a touchy subject with transgender people because they might be facing some issues from their own families.


When you’ve taken the plunge to date a transgender person through a trans dating site, it’s equally important that you stand up for their cause.

 


Accept the Reality


While it may be disheartening to know that your family will probably never accept your trans partner, it’s important to accept the reality. There is hope as long as we live but sometimes, we have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Make it clear to your family members that irrespective of whatever they think of the relationship, they have to respect your partner. Give them the message that you would slowly start withdrawing from their world if they are hostile to your partner.


Ultimately, it’s up to you to do that balancing act between your family and partner. You are probably attached to your family a lot. And it can hurt like hell. But you have to be strong and face the truth, no matter what.


It’s also a good time to introspect your level of commitment to your partner. If you are willing to sacrifice your family for someone, you are really in love with them. If your relationship is meaningless and futile and you just miss your family all the time, it’s time to do a reality check.



Seek Counselling or Support


Despite the best of your efforts, things can get really messy. If it reaches that point where your mental health has begun to suffer, look for professional counselling. Having sessions with a professional counsellor would help you locate your priorities better. You would have a better grasp of your own thought process and be able to respond to the situation in a way more controlled manner.

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Communicating your concerns to friends who understand your viewpoint is also a great way to come out of this mess. If your family is really important to you and you can’t live without them either, these friends can become a bridge between you and them. They can try and take up your case.


It’s also important to communicate your concerns to your partner. Tell him/her that you love them from the core of your heart but you are also missing your family. A transgender person has seen so many challenges in life that they understand the importance of a loving and supportive family. Even if your family doesn’t accept them, they wouldn’t mind you being on normal terms with them as long as it doesn’t infringe on your relationship. From your end, you should try your best to keep a working relationship with your family. But you got to make it clear to them that they have to respect your partner.



Just Relax and Unwind


If all the thinking and reflection gets too much for you, just put everything aside and relax. Spend quality time with your partner. Love is no less than therapy. Indulge in activities that make you happy; singing, painting, dancing, running, whatever it is. Bond with your partner over fun activities.


Never underestimate the power of a good laugh! Laughter is the best medicine for all our woes. It heals us and fixes wounds automatically. So, exercise your sense of humour and have a good laugh with your partner and friends!


As far as your family goes, just keep up the hope that they will eventually come around. Transsexual dating is not easy. It is expected that one faces many challenges. But stay optimistic and upbeat. That can solve a lot of problems.

     
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