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TransSingle present a video of  Laverne Cox, a bright star, and transgender activist

Trans girl dating is new terrain for most cis men.  Most of them have probably never ever thought of dating a trans woman as it isn’t something that fits into the typical societal Mould. And even if there are a few who are fascinated by the idea of dating a trans woman, they are scared of societal disapproval. Society is still very prejudiced against transgender people so they probably dismiss the idea thinking it’s not worth the risk.

But most men don’t have an idea about what they are missing on. Love with a transgender woman is a euphoric experience. It’s something that leaves you utterly hypnotized and transports you to a different land altogether! If you have only dated cis women, you have just touched the tip of the iceberg. The kind of passion and raw emotion that a trans woman can bring into the art of lovemaking, a cis woman can’t even get anywhere near that.

Dating a trans woman is like exploring an altogether new dimension of the universe.  And for those who don’t judge people on the basis of silly societal norms, it’s a great way to meet an amazing and beautiful woman who values her femininity to such a great extent. The whole idea of making love to somebody whom society technically doesn’t allow you to date is such a novel one in itself.  It is a rather sublime and beautiful transgression. And if you have the courage and guts to make this transgression, then the rewards will be great.

These days you can easily meet a trans woman through a trans girl dating site or a dating site for transgender woman.  

Making love with trans women is surely an experience of a lifetime. But it is important to keep a few things in mind while making love with transgender females. If you follow these points, then your lovemaking would surely have the kind of passion and intensity that most couples can only dream of!.

There are two kinds of Transgender Women

Coming out as a trans woman is a different experience for everyone. Most choose to undergo medical transitioning while some skip it completely. Many trans women undergo certain medical procedures but not all. So basically, some trans women have had vaginoplasty while some haven't.

Vaginoplasty is a procedure that creates a surgically implanted vagina. Now, this surgically created vagina is fresh and might even feel better than the vagina of a cis woman.  So, this is something you have to keep in mind while making love to a trans woman, whether she has had Vaginoplasty or not.

With the trans woman who has had vaginoplasty, your sexual experience would be quite similar to the one with cis women. When you stimulate her vagina in the act of foreplay and intercourse, it would give you the same pleasure as the vagina of a cis woman. However, in the case of trans women who don’t have a vagina, the entire experience of lovemaking is different. So, it might not be for you if you like lovemaking to be somewhat conventional in a heterosexual way. You would enjoy making love to a trans woman without a vagina if you are bisexual. Of course, even if you are not bisexual, you can still enjoy the whole experience if you are open to trying out new things. If you are the kind of guy who has a fantasy about anal sex, then this is your best chance. And the amazing thing is you are having anal sex with a woman. Even if the trans woman doesn’t have a vagina, she is still a woman so the whole experience is within the matrix of a man and a woman making love. You can meet a different kind of trans women through various trans woman dating sites or transgender dating websites.

You have to take the Lead

The stereotypes about trans women being masculine and aggressive are well, basically just stereotypes. That’s why many guys have this misconception that in lovemaking, it’s the trans woman who calls the shots and the guy is generally in the submissive position. This is just not true.

When you actually meet a trans woman through a transgender dating site, you will realize that she can be incredibly shy. In fact, it is advisable that while dating a trans woman, a guy should make the first move. Trans women have all those super feminine fantasies of her sexy, muscular guy holding her and taking her to the bedroom. She wants her man to take the lead. So, in that sense, she is quite similar to a cis woman. While making love to a trans woman, you also have to be very gentle as she still might be in the process of getting used to her new vagina.

Trans Women have Stunning Bodies

This is a big advantage when it comes to making love with trans females. She has a stunning body that is way more well-proportioned than the body of an average cis woman. So, it’s good to take her stunning body into account while you are ready to make love to her!

A well-sculpted, beautiful physique is not just great from an aesthetic point of view while lovemaking but it also increases your chances of being able to try out new positions while having sex. Your trans female with her gorgeous and super flexible body makes it a pleasure for you to navigate different positions and undertake some novel experiments in lovemaking!

Do not expect her to jump into bed just Because she is a Trans Woman

Now, there are many stereotypes surrounding transsexual people. And most of these stereotypes are just terrible manifestations of society’s general bigotry towards trans people. So, when you are dating a trans woman through a transgender dating app or a transgender dating site, do not judge her by any of these stereotypes.

For deciding when is the right time to ask a trans woman to take your relationship to the next level that is make it physical, follow the same rules that you do with cis women. Just because she is a trans woman, that doesn’t mean she is some kind of exotic kink to satiate your perversions. She is a woman like any other and you cannot presume things about her just because she is trans.

If you’ve met her through a trans dating site and you guys are out together for your first date, please do not straightaway announce that you want to sleep with her unless you get some very strong indication from her side that she is looking for some fun. She is a beautiful woman so treat her with the dignity that every woman deserves. Get to know her first and after a couple of dates when you feel that there is strong mutual attraction, make the move only then.

Lovemaking with a Trans Woman can be quite a Passionate Affair

Now you might say this can be true for any love affair where two people have great chemistry. But that’s just not the case, when you are making love to a cis woman, there is a certain frigidity about her that doesn’t allow her to open up completely. Your lovemaking might tick all the boxes technically but when it comes to passion, she is just not able to show you her wild side 100 percent because there is a certain hesitancy on her part.

With a trans woman you’ve met through a trans dating site, you can be assured that there would be no such hesitancy. When you go out with her on a date, she will be all feminine and ladylike. And when it comes to lovemaking, she would certainly expect you to make the first move. But when the two of you are in the throes of lovemaking, you would get to see the wild, animal side of her.

When it comes to passion during lovemaking, no cis woman can get even dream of competing with what a trans woman is capable of. She is passion personified. So, when it comes to her sexual appetite in the process of lovemaking, you will be just left gasping for breath! That is the kind of ferocious intensity a trans woman is capable of.

Do not have any pre-conceived Notions about your Lovemaking

Just because she is a trans woman you’ve met through a trans dating app, please do not harbour any pre-conceived notions about the kind of lovemaking that you guys will indulge in. Many men get influenced by whatever they see in transgender porn and they expect similar kind of stuff from a transgender female in reality.

If that is your intention of dating her, then don’t even bother. She has a lot of attention already and she doesn’t give two hoots to anybody who wants to use her to satiate their fetish. If you date her, respect the boundaries. Do not ask her inappropriate questions about her body parts. And when it comes to lovemaking, just follow the approach that you would with any cis woman.

The basics are the same. Lots of foreplay so that sexual tension between the two of you begins to build up and then take things from there. Just go with the flow. Do not treat transgender porn as some kind of manual that teaches you how to make love with a trans woman. Infact, get trans porn out of your head completely. You got to know that in those videos, there is a well-rehearsed and staged fantasy act being put together and offered for public consumption. It’s not reality. So, when it comes to lovemaking with a trans woman, you just have to follow the basic real-life approach. Just feel the passion and go with the flow.

Chances are, you want to not simply survive but thrive as a trans guy, both in private and on online dating sites for transgender folks and allies. While there are many tools you need to have in your metaphorical self-care kit, building confidence is chief among them.

What exactly is confidence?

Before we dive into a list of tips and suggestions on how you can build it, we first need to define what we mean when talking about confidence. Self-confidence often overlaps or is used as a synonym for self-esteem or self-efficacy. While there are similarities, it is interesting to note the differences, too:

 – Self-efficacy:

Refers to your belief about your own abilities regarding specific tasks. Self-efficacy basically is the real-life concept that corresponds with the famous Henry Ford quote: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

 – Self-confidence:

Meanwhile, reflects your general belief about how likely you are to fulfill a goal. Your past experiences play a huge role in both self-efficacy and self-confidence, but self-confidence refers to a broader view instead of focusing on specific tasks.

 – Self-esteem:

While often used interchangeably with self-confidence, is quite different from it. Self-esteem reflects your belief in your overall worth as a person. Viewing yourself as a “good guy” is a statement of self-esteem, for instance. In that, it is even broader than self-confidence, and improving your confidence will help your esteem, too.

Obviously, the lines between them are blurry, and there is no linear trajectory you can follow. You may have enough confidence to think you’re capable of learning to make bread, yet at the same time lack self-efficacy and you assume your first attempts will be horrible. And whether or not you can bake a killer loaf, you hopefully still think that you deserve love and happiness.

Why is building confidence essential for FTM trans guys?

Insecurities and self-doubt are core components of ill mental health and poor well-being, so finding ways to improve your confidence will definitely help you.

As a trans guy, whether you identify as FTM, genderqueer, nonbinary butch, or else, building self-confidence can be especially tough. Questioning societal standards and stereotypes of what it means to be “manly” and finding your own way takes a lot of energy, perseverance, and yes, confidence.

So how do you build it? Think of it as a muscle: you need to train it to strengthen it.

Here are several useful tips you can choose from and try for yourself. See what works for you and maintain it until it becomes second-nature to you. Your confidence will never falter again. 

Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Even if the mean voices in your head (or on the internet) want to tell you otherwise, everyone has unique skills, both hard and soft, as well as talents in various areas of your life. Likewise, you will have areas in your life you do not excel at.

While many of these will remain the same after your female-to-male transition, some may have changed. As a rule of thumb, make sure that you know what you are good at and what your weaknesses are. Once you understand these areas, you will have a clearer mental image of yourself and what you will need to improve your self-confidence.

Be a Friend to Yourself

Unfortunately, some FTM trans men are their own worst enemy. It is impossible to build your self-confidence if you are the one constantly putting yourself down. If you want confidence and high self-esteem, you need to foster an attitude of love and acceptance.

When a negative thought arises, ask yourself: “Would I say this to about my best friend to their face?” Catching yourself when your inner voice turns self-deprecating is the first step to stop the habit. Once you notice it, actively work against it. If you think, for example, “I didn’t manage all I wanted to do today, I’m such a loser”, and notice it, tell yourself that you are human and some things take more time than anticipated. You tried, and that’s what’s important.

Remember and Celebrate Your Successes

Please steer clear of grievous mistakes like downplaying your success or only focusing on what you are struggling with. Such an attitude will not help you build self-confidence. Focusing on the negative aspects of your life will only drag you further down. However, if you create a habit of celebrating your successes (no matter how small they are), you will soon feel more confident.

These celebrations can take various forms: taking a walk for yourself, giving yourself a break to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, spending time with a friend to cheer for your achievement, or simply giving yourself the satisfaction of crossing the item off your to-do list for the day.

Remove Things That Bring You Down

Out of sight, out of mind –  this affects reminders of your shortcomings or of negative experiences as well. Be sure to hide or get rid of items that evoke negative thoughts when you see them.

Beyond the shirt you wore to that horrible breakup, these things can be as varied as mean friends, a job you hate, or a habit you have gotten into. Reflect on the impact these have on your life and eliminate them for good.

Smile At Yourself In The Mirror

Looking at your reflection can go a long way in helping you accept yourself. When you do, be sure to smile. If you do this every day, you will feel happier and more secure in yourself over time due to something called “facial feedback theory”. The expression on your face has been shown to help your brain register and intensify the emotions it perceives on your face.

Improve Your Posture

Just like smiling at yourself, sitting up straighter, or striking a “power pose” has been proven to boost confidence in studies. It might feel awkward at first, but remember that stepping outside your comfort zone is a core component of your journey towards more self-confidence.

Do Not Compare Yourself To Others

Every person is unique. Just because this FTM person achieves a very masculine appearance and maybe has better muscle definition than you does not mean you have ‘failed’ at being FTM. You differ in your genetics, your socio-economic backgrounds, and much more – focus on yourself and don’t measure your progress against that of others. Easier said than done, sure, but so essential to keep in mind.

Take Risks

There is no better way of building self-confidence than taking risks. Taking risks shows – mainly to yourself – that you are confident in yourself and your abilities. If you now think you have to do something scary or dangerous to achieve this, think again: Simply getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new counts as a risk in terms of building self-confidence.

In essence, this point is all about living your life to the fullest. Take a moment to reflect on what you would like to try and do. Learn how to skateboard? Sign up for a transgender dating site? Strike up a conversation with a friendly-looking stranger? Sure, you might find that you do not like the outcome of something you do, but you may forever regret not giving yourself the opportunity to try. Your self-confidence will definitely thank you!

Be Persistent

At the end of the day, there is no miracle cure for low self-confidence. There is no pill you take or action steps you follow once and overnight, you are filled to the brim with confidence. It truly takes time and effort to build up. Therefore, you should be persistent, see mistakes your make as learning opportunities to help you avoid repeating them in the future, and never give up. If you lose sight of the journey, don’t beat yourself up. Life happens, we get busy. Simply get back on track and resume your self-confidence practice.

On a final note, if you are struggling with self-confidence and do not know where to start, find a trusted friend with whom you can share your troubles. Having a strong support system will help you be more confident and give you the foundation you need to begin building confidence on your own.

Get ready for the most fun you’ve had in forever! Once you feel confident enough, it’s time to sign up for an ftm dating site. There are many transgender dating apps out there, and platforms that facilitate online dating for trans women, men, and others have increased. You have ample space to search for other trans singles or trans allies who are looking for a serious relationship.

If chatting with potential dates is outside your comfort zone… treat it as practice for your self-confidence boosting journey! You might find the perfect partner without expecting to. 

While gender and sexual orientation refer to two very distinct aspects of our human lives, acronyms like LGBTQIA+ suggest that the transgender community is part of the queer community. This can cause some confusion for anyone who is not particularly well-versed in the terminology.

Commonly, ‘queer’ as a reclaimed slur refers to people whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual. Queer people can identify as bisexual, pansexual, homosexual and much more. Transgender, meanwhile, refers to gender identity, i.e. whether a person identifies as male, female, genderqueer, nonbinary, or similar. Inter* people also have a special gender identity.

Intersectional identities

Of course, gender and sexuality are intricately linked and always rooted in the society we grow up in. Like anything in life, sexuality and gender identity are fluid and can change over time. The cis-female teenager who realizes she is bisexual might, later on, come into their nonbinary or genderqueer identity and embrace pansexual as a term… or take up the more general, less narrow term ‘queer’.

With the growing acceptance of queer people in society, the fight for transgender rights is becoming more and more the focus of activism. Unfortunately, even among the LGBTQIA+ community, transgender people may have to deal with huge levels of misunderstanding, bigotry, and transphobia. In a similar vein, people with trans identities can be homophobic, biphobic, or harbor prejudice against any other marginalized groups.

Figuring out who we are is always a struggle. Yet when several marginalized identities converge in one individual, the journey to accepting one’s identity as a whole may be even more difficult. If, on the one hand, you struggle to accept your queerness, and on the other also have to contend with a transitioning process, this double-dose can be overwhelming.

If you have yet other marginalized identities, for instance, if you are a person of color, then you have to deal with everyday overt and covert racism, too.

One thing is essential to remember, though: Despite how it might sound, this is not a competition. All pain and suffering are valid and there is no score to keep.

Also absent: a schedule.

Some people realize at quite a young age that they are different, whether in terms of gender identity or sexual orientation – or both. Yet this isn’t the case for everyone, by far. Others start to explore the dimensions of their identities in puberty and some much later. It is never too late or too early – you have your own pace, and that pace is as legitimate as that of everyone else around you. As mentioned above, this is not a competition and it’s also not a race to the finish line of knowing which boxes you fit into.

How To Embrace Your Different Identities

We all have to fight countless battles in our quest to accept our gender identity and sexual orientation. The path to our goal, i.e. feeling at home in our own skin, leads us through self-doubt, maybe even self-loathing, as well as discrimination and harassment. Sometimes from strangers, yet most often it originates from those closest to us.

When you live in a queerphobic and transphobic environment, you of course are much more likely to struggle with your identities. But even if your family is loving and accepting of your identity, you do not live in a vacuum or a bubble that only includes you and your loved ones. Media and the internet are ripe with harmful messaging and filled with bigotry.

How, then, can you move towards self-acceptance? Here are a few tips that have helped fellow transgender and queer people.

Connect with the trans community:

Find others who have gone – or are currently going through – the same or similar processes as you are. If you struggle with your gender identity, seek out the transgender community in your area or online. Ts dating sites can be a great place to start as well since they usually can be used to forge friendships, too. Connecting with a trans community can bring a sense of peace and calmness to a person who is transgender and struggles with accepting who they are.

Connect with the queer community:

The same holds true for anyone struggling with their sexual orientation. Seek out fellow queer people, ask questions, listen,  and reflect. There is a reason the Q in LGBTQIA+ stands for ‘questioning’ – you are welcome here, too.

Find your tribe:

Especially if your own family does not connect with you or maybe even cuts ties with you, find people who you click with. Finding one’s tribe, one’s chosen family, is not a quick fix to belonging but rather a life-long process. You will know when you have a person in your life who feels like family even if there is no blood or legal relation between you.

Look for role models:

Sometimes we cannot seem to turn off that voice in our heads that tell us that we’re bad because we’re different from the so-called ‘norm’. A good way to turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk is to look for role models. There are amazing transgender people who are spreading a message of love, solidarity, acceptance, respect and, most importantly, the message of self-love.

Educate yourself:

The more you read about gender and sexuality, the less ‘wrong’ you will probably feel about being ‘different’. While most of us are taught that there are two genders, male and female, with some intersex people in between that happen when the chromosomes aren’t XX or XY, the scientific reality is much more complicated.

It takes more than one simple set of chromosomes to determine a baby’s sex, i.e. biological gender. Even if the fetus develops in one particular direction, the differences on an individual level are astounding. No two cis-women are the same, just like no transgender women are the same.

There are countless videos on YouTube about this, just as there are many helpful articles and essays that break down the sometimes very complicated science surrounding this issue. Maybe your quest will also unearth podcasts that provide insight in audio format. You might also check the local library for recent publications. There is no ‘right’ way to go about this – it all depends on your preferences and access. As long as you are curious and have an open mind, you’re set!

Be open to different dating platforms:

If you stick to Tinder or Grindr, chances are you will see an endless gallery of people who seem to adhere to a standard default. Of course you, as a nonbinary or gender-nonconforming person, or someone on the asexuality spectrum will feel like there is something wrong with you.

Which is why it is important you also try transgender dating sites and ts dating apps. There, you will find like-minded people. They might not share the same identities, but they will be a lot more open and understanding than the folks swiping left elsewhere.

Join LGBTQIA+ support groups and communities:

Whether a group on Facebook or a hashtag on Instagram, go and see what wonderful people hand around in your online neighborhood. You can find new friends, helpful mentors, or just a sense of community there without having to leave your home.

Play with fashion and style:

How will you know who you are if you don’t try different things? Usually, one’s teenage years are the time for experimentation and pushing boundaries. Yet the more we understand about sexuality and gender, the clearer it becomes that it is a lifelong process.

So it is never too late to slip into a different garment, try on nail polish or lipstick, see how a binder feels or what it’s like to dress like you always wanted but never dared.

Talk to a professional:

Fortunately, the stigma surrounding therapy is receding as more and more people embrace the importance of mental health. Struggling with your identity can be facilitated by a therapist if you feel like this might be helpful – and, more importantly, if you have access to such a service.

Part of your approach to making peace with your identity might include medication. If someone suggests so, do not immediately decline. Sometimes, medication like antidepressants can truly save a life in combination with other strategies.

Explore your body:

Speaking of therapy, you might want to explore somatic therapeutic forms as well, if you have the means and the time. If not, you are free to get to know your body better and explore what feels nice on your own. Yes, this refers to masturbation!

Of course, joyful movements that do not involve sexual gratification also count… but yes, touching yourself in a kind, curious, and appreciative way will help you on your path to accepting your identity.

Be patient with yourself:

Last but not least, remember to be patient. The path to self-acceptance is a process, not a sudden realization. Life isn’t static and your circumstances will inevitably change, which can affect your gender identity and orientation, too.

You’re not alone – confusion is the norm. Embrace it, and see where it leads. After all, you don’t owe anyone an answer, not even yourself.

He Born to Dominican parents, New York local, Laith Ashley propelled his career with a monumental campaign for Barneys New York, shot by Bruce Weber. Making his introduction as one of the primary trans male models to ever show up in a national campaign, was just the start.

A graduate of Fairfield University, he studied psychology with a focus in research, religion, and law. Laith started his transition at the end of January 2014 and found that modeling constrained him to confront himself in ways he never envisioned. Laith was the main male model on Oxygen's TV show, 'STRUT' and has been highlighted on a few covers, including Attitude magazine. 

He has strolled in fashion shows for major designers and has been highlighted in Vogue Hommes.  A defender for social equity, Laith has done incalculable interviews, empowering social change and advocating for equitable rights for LGBT people, and additionally speaking on the significance of decent variety at universities in the US and abroad. 

There is a side to Laith Ashley that presently can't seem to be seen by the majority. A born entertainer, Laith is a vocalist, a songwriter, and dancer. His greatest dream was to impart these endowments to the world, and now he at long last will.

Unfortunately, we still live in a society where trans phobia is more common than rare. Most families would have some kind of prejudice against a transgender person. So, the most important thing is not to freak out when your family tells you that they won’t accept your relationship under any circumstances. Stand your ground firmly but at the same time, do not mess up things with your family either.

This article gives you a couple of tips that would come in useful while dealing with a family that doesn’t accept your transgender partner.

Communicate With Your Family

This is the most important thing. You have to constantly communicate with your family in order to make them understand the importance of you dating that particular person. If you know for sure that your parents are heavily prejudiced against transgender people, don’t tell them everything in one go. Create the right ambience for revealing the truth. Try to build a conversation around general topics like how all individuals are unique and different and how it is important to not judge anyone by their identity tag. Take the conversation a bit further and then try talking about transgender people; explain to them how society has changed and that people can live the life of their choice without being judged.

Once you feel the conversation is getting somewhere, you can make the big announcement. They might be totally shocked and outright dismissive of the relationship.  Take it easy. Do not freak out. Prejudices don’t go away that fast. Give them some time for the reality to sink in. Always keep open the channels of communication.

After the initial task of communicating to them the gender identity of your partner, it’s important to focus more on their personality and attributes. Tell your parents about the great personality traits of your partner. Open up to them about your journey together that how your partner has changed your life for good. Talking about the positive aspects of your relationship is a good way to convince your parents. After a point, the conversation shouldn’t revolve around your partner’s trans identity. It should be simply about them as an individual.

Create Certain Boundaries

You love and respect your family and it should be always like that. But at the same time, you have to make it clear that they cannot disrespect your trans partner. When you meet someone through a transgender dating app and begin to date them, you both have to take a vow of safeguarding each other’s integrity and respect. That is the basic foundation of a good relationship.

So, if any of your family members begin to say rude and disrespectful things about your partner, ask them to stop the conversation right away. Don’t lose your calm. Tell them politely but firmly that you don’t think that’s a nice way to talk about your partner. If they still persist, just walk away saying you would see them perhaps some other time. There is no point in arguing and counterarguing. Just tell them firmly that you can’t continue the conversation if they talk about your partner like that. If they still don’t understand, just leave. This would have a powerful impact and set automatic boundaries.

It is important to find the right balance between your relationship with your parents and your partner. While your partner deserves all your love and respect, your parents too are important. They have their own perspective and even though it’s wrong, you just cannot shout at them or be rude because they are your family. That is where setting boundaries work. If you just lay down certain rules as to what you would and what you wouldn’t tolerate, you can still maintain a normal relationship with your family.

Do Not Compromise on Your Partner’s Self Respect

While it’s important to respect your family, it’s equally important that you take a stand when things get too much. If they have disrespected your partner in person and he/she is hurt, it’s about time you stop taking your partner to meet your family. It’s simply not worth it. While it’s good to keep trying that your family accepts the relationship, your partner cannot be a scapegoat in the sequence of things. If things have reached a critical point, it’s best to take a break. Start maintaining a certain distance. Communicate to them through your cold behaviour that you don’t approve of the way they treat your partner.

A transgender person has literally gone through a lot of hell in life. They need your unconditional love and support. So, if your family is constantly disrespecting them, just don’t get your partner involved in that drama. Keep a separate relationship with your family but keep your partner out of it.

Also, when you are alone with your partner, address any concerns that they have about your family. It is natural that they would be a bit scared and insecure thinking you might leave them because of your family. Comfort your partner and tell him/her that you would always be by their side, no matter what. Remember that family is a touchy subject with transgender people because they might be facing some issues from their own families.

When you’ve taken the plunge to date a transgender person through a trans dating site, it’s equally important that you stand up for their cause.

Accept the Reality

While it may be disheartening to know that your family will probably never accept your trans partner, it’s important to accept the reality. There is hope as long as we live but sometimes, we have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Make it clear to your family members that irrespective of whatever they think of the relationship, they have to respect your partner. Give them the message that you would slowly start withdrawing from their world if they are hostile to your partner.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to do that balancing act between your family and partner. You are probably attached to your family a lot. And it can hurt like hell. But you have to be strong and face the truth, no matter what.

It’s also a good time to introspect your level of commitment to your partner. If you are willing to sacrifice your family for someone, you are really in love with them. If your relationship is meaningless and futile and you just miss your family all the time, it’s time to do a reality check.

Seek Counselling or Support

Despite the best of your efforts, things can get really messy. If it reaches that point where your mental health has begun to suffer, look for professional counselling. Having sessions with a professional counsellor would help you locate your priorities better. You would have a better grasp of your own thought process and be able to respond to the situation in a way more controlled manner.

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Communicating your concerns to friends who understand your viewpoint is also a great way to come out of this mess. If your family is really important to you and you can’t live without them either, these friends can become a bridge between you and them. They can try and take up your case.

It’s also important to communicate your concerns to your partner. Tell him/her that you love them from the core of your heart but you are also missing your family. A transgender person has seen so many challenges in life that they understand the importance of a loving and supportive family. Even if your family doesn’t accept them, they wouldn’t mind you being on normal terms with them as long as it doesn’t infringe on your relationship. From your end, you should try your best to keep a working relationship with your family. But you got to make it clear to them that they have to respect your partner.

Just Relax and Unwind

If all the thinking and reflection gets too much for you, just put everything aside and relax. Spend quality time with your partner. Love is no less than therapy. Indulge in activities that make you happy; singing, painting, dancing, running, whatever it is. Bond with your partner over fun activities.

Never underestimate the power of a good laugh! Laughter is the best medicine for all our woes. It heals us and fixes wounds automatically. So, exercise your sense of humour and have a good laugh with your partner and friends!

As far as your family goes, just keep up the hope that they will eventually come around. Transsexual dating is not easy. It is expected that one faces many challenges. But stay optimistic and upbeat. That can solve a lot of problems.

Portrayal of Trans People in Films and Television

It is perhaps not that difficult to recall films or television series where transgender characters are used as caricatures for providing certain comic relief and for aiding the development of other characters. This rather objectionable use of trans characters in a derogatory and inhumane way unfortunately still persists in mainstream media and the entertainment industry. There is definitely a greater degree of check on it now though because of increased awareness on trans issues.

Hollywood has a history of a rather problematic portrayal of transgender characters. The first film which comes to mind is Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Psycho’ that creates the stereotype of the mentally disturbed cross-dressed murderer. Subsequently, the portrayal of a transgender person as a psychopath murderer persists in many mainstream media representations.

But things have begun to change for good now. And one can find quite a few positive, nuanced and non-stereotypical portrayals of transgender people in cinema and tv series. What instantly comes to mind is the amazing TV series ‘Pose’ that tries to portray the ‘drag ball’ culture of New York of the 1980s. The specialty of this TV series is that it’s been produced by a transgender activist and also stars transgender actors. The music for the series has also been composed by a trans musician.

Then, there is the hugely famous ‘Transparent’ TV series that delved into the life of a Los Angeles family who discovered that their parent is a transgender woman named Maura. The first season was premiered in 2014. Owing to its great success, subsequent seasons were launched as well. The series was great in some ways but the controversial aspect was the casting of Jeffrey Tambor as the main character Maura. Allegations of sexual harassment were made against him by the transgender cast and crew members of the series.

In cinema, there is the brilliant movie ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ that is based on the real-life story of Brandon Teena, a transgender man from the US who undertakes a quest to find love in Nebraska but things take an ugly, unexpected turn and he becomes victim to a hate crime being plotted and perpetrated by two men known to him. The film is remarkable in its effort to explore the subject of violence against transgender people. Transphobia is generally dismissed as something limited to cracking jokes at the expense of trans people and not accepting them into one’s social circle. In reality, transphobia borders on hatred and leads to violent and sordid crimes against trans people. ‘Boys Don’t Cry ‘is daring in that it chooses to portray such a sensitive and important issue.

Then there is the famous movie ‘Dallas Buyers Club’ that is extremely problematic in its portrayal of a trans woman. The stereotype of the crazy, drug addict prostitute persists when it comes to portraying the character of a transgender woman. What’s even worse is that the director chooses a cis male to portray the lead trans woman character of the film. Jared Leto plays the character of the trans woman in the film. This is the problem one frequently encounters in the representation of transgender people in cinema and tv. One rarely gets to see trans actors playing themselves. The problem is not with casting cis actors either. But the director generally has a tendency to cast to a male cis actor for the role of a trans woman and vice versa. And that is offensive to trans sensibilities. Why can’t a cis woman play the role of a trans woman? And then one wonders that if the filmmakers’ understanding of trans issues is so limited and parochial, then how does one expect them to portray their lives with any degree of depth and sincerity.

There is still a considerable lack of actors from within the transgender community. Often when big-budget films are made, the producer is obviously looking for an actor with that kind of a presence which makes them sell the film at the box office. And there are hardly any trans actors with that kind of stature. Then, there is also a paucity of transgender scriptwriters and filmmakers. This is something we need to look at. Positive portrayals of trans people in media will increase only when the storyline is being developed by transgender people themselves. This is not to say that a cis person cannot make a brilliant movie about the trans community. Surely, they can. But if trans people get to portray their issues from their own perspective and vantage point, the level of conviction would be in a different league altogether.

But still, things have improved a lot over years. While the frequency of trans representation in media might not have increased that much, the quality of representation has certainly improved. There are more positive portrayals of trans characters in media now than, let’s say 10 years or 20 years back.

Trans Representation in Video Games

Trans representation in video games has certainly increased over the years. Whether the quality of representation has improved or not is another issue though. Video games have been notorious for their stereotypical portrayal of trans characters. Often characters falling under the LGBT umbrella are just vaguely added for the sensational value without any proper characterization. The trans characters in these video games are mostly side characters. It’s rare to find a video game which has a trans character for a hero or a heroine.

The video game which is widely regarded as featuring the first trans character in gaming is Super Mario Bros. 2. The trans woman character by the name of ‘Birdo’ is badly stereotyped in the initial Japanese version of the game. She is constantly referred to as the man who thinks he is a woman. Birdo’s character is eventually developed to make it reflect a trans woman but even that is full of a lot of problematic stereotyping.

Another gaming series well known for having a trans character is Mass Effect: Andromeda. It features a trans woman by the name of Hainly Abrams and the game features her post-transition. The game shows her freely acknowledging her ‘dead name’ to someone. Now, a dead name is the name a transgender person had before the transition. It is usually a sensitive issue within the trans community. Transgender people rarely share their dead names with anyone. It’s only after they have established a great deal of trust and confidence that they would consider confiding it in someone. But the trans character in ‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ is shown to be sharing her pre-transition name so casually.  Although the makers of the game acknowledged this error, made apologies, and worked on fixing it as well. So that’s a positive development. Because of increased awareness on trans issues, media cannot get away with inaccurate portrayals of trans characters. There is a certain pressure to present fair and balanced characters which are good.

Many Indie games also feature trans characters. A game like ‘Do I Pass’’ is about passing as a cis man or woman when people look at you as a trans person. The Indie game ‘Losing Charge’ is based on the life of a trans teenage boy who lives with his sister and their dad. Then there are others such as Undertale, Crypt of the Necro Dancer, and 2064: Read Only Memories.

The Way Forward

They say that even bad publicity is good publicity. This holds true to a certain extent in the case of transgender people. Even if the representation of trans people in films, television, and video games is full of flaws, the good thing is that at least they are getting visible. Once an issue gains visibility, it opens up the possibility of a dialogue. Even if a particular tv show or a film has a somewhat derogatory portrayal of trans characters, it has gotten these characters to the forefront of mainstream representation. When you are critiquing those characters, it gets easier for people to understand trans issues because they have that movie or TV show as a reference point.

A lot of media representation of trans characters is skewed simply because the people who create these programs might not enough about a trans person. They might have never met a transgender person in real life. Or even if they have, they might not have known them close enough to understand their life and struggles. That is why it is important for transgender people to themselves get involved in the creative industries. Once trans professionals and artists start creating audiovisual and written content about their lives and struggles, others will be able to understand their issues better. And it would certainly pave the way for more and more positive portrayal of trans characters in media.

Let’s begin by clarifying that there is nothing like ‘not trans enough. If you feel like a woman, then that’s it really. You don’t need to strictly match the physical characteristics of a particular gender in order to belong to it. If you choose to undergo a medical procedure to develop the external attributes of a cis man or a woman, that’s totally your choice. But these external physical characteristics don’t define your identity.

If you are a trans woman, it’s the essence of femininity you carry in your heart. How you express it externally is your choice and prerogative. Similarly, if you feel like a man, you are a trans man. And you don’t need to go to ridiculous extents in order to conform to stereotypical standards of masculinity.

Transgender individuals often suffer from what is commonly known as ‘imposter syndrome. To put it simply, they feel that they do not quite fulfill the expectations of the identity that they are claiming and feel that they don’t deserve to belong there. They feel as if they are wrongfully claiming someone else’s identity. Imposter syndrome can lead to a lot of negativity and depression in a transgender person. They spend too much time thinking about their imagined inadequacies and deficiencies rather than just living life and being happy.

It becomes like a vicious circle in which all their focus is on how to match the societal expectations of a typical man or woman. In the process, they forget their unique identity and are always under undue stress to conform.

This article tells you about a few ways in which you can overcome the ‘imposter syndrome’ as a trans person.

Fall in Love with Yourself

Self-love is the most important step towards combating imposter syndrome. If you love yourself, you are too busy to think about other peoples’ opinions of your personality or way of life.

When you are seeking love through a trans dating site, you are seeking validation from someone. You want someone to like you and adore you. In the process, their opinion becomes so valuable to you that it can make or break your day. This is not to say that you should give up on dating! Of course, you should seek out a partner for romantic love. That’s a basic necessity of life. But at the same time, this should not become the be-all and end all of your life.

Fall in love with yourself. Make your personal well-being the most important project of your life. Constantly set short-term goals for self-improvement. For example, challenge yourself to lose 3-4 kgs of weight in a month. Set a goal to take greater care of your skin and improve your skin health in a certain stipulated time frame. If you hate a particular type of exercise routine, motivate yourself to go for it.

Once you start treating your personal well-being like a project, you won’t have time left for anything else. And all the negativity will just vanish.

Work On Your Self-Confidence

Confidence is the biggest asset anyone can have. There are people who are not so good-looking or competent but they have such high levels of confidence that you are spellbound by them. When they walk into a room, they can make everyone look at them just by the virtue of their self-confidence.

As a transgender person, have faith and confidence in your abilities. Even if your dressing isn’t that perfect, your voice isn’t that deep and baritone like as a trans man, people will ignore all these things if you are confident. When you walk into a room, have a subtle but convincing smile on your face. Always look into the eyes of people directly while talking. When you are listening to someone, your body language should signify interest. When you are in a social setting, take the initiative to strike a conversation. All these things speak of an impressive level of self-confidence.

Confidence helps you score high even when it comes to dating and relationships. When you are chatting with someone through a transsexual dating site, you got to know how o build their interest and take things further. A person with self-doubt and hesitation will just say some awkward things and then they won’t know what to say next. But a confident person would take the initiative to start and conversation and then follow it up with even more interesting anecdotes and stories.

Cultivate the Trait of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking sounds easy. It means to think positively so it’s easy, right.  But in reality, it’s a challenge to think in a positive manner. As human beings, our thinking and feeling patterns are predisposed towards reacting more strongly to negativity rather than positivity. Think about it. How many times do you really react to some positive news stories like some great discovery or invention, some great advancement in the field of medical science, etc? It’s also hard to find any positive news. Generally, we are surrounded by negative news all the time – bomb blasts, accidents, corruption scandals, and all that.

So as a transgender person, you have to cultivate the habit of positive thinking. When you get up in the morning, tell yourself every day that how it’s going to be a beautiful day and you look forward to it. Remind yourself of all your achievements and the good things you’ve accomplished for yourself and others.

Develop empathy. It’s amazing how empathy for others can result in an improved self-image and positive thinking in general. If you see an elderly person on the road struggling with their bags, make an offer to carry those for them. Make it a general habit to be more aware of your surroundings and help people whenever you can. This will surely open up your eyes to all that is good and positive inside you and outside of you.

Get to Know More About Various Trans Icons

One way to overcome ‘imposter syndrome is by getting to know more about various trans icons. Transgender people are making their presence felt in every field, be it cinema, art, entertainment, fashion, sports, politics, law, media, or any other area. Read up about various trans icons. Their positive life stories will certainly inspire you. You will learn about the importance of being original and unique rather than blindly following standards set by society.

Be Connected with the Transgender Community

It’s great to be connected with the wider transgender community. You could join a ‘transgender forum’ online and communicate with other trans individuals. You could also join a local group that takes up transgender issues and participate in their meetings.

This is a great way to expand your social circle, make some great friends and be more aware of your own identity in the process. When you are constantly in touch with other trans people and are regularly sharing experiences with them, you are less likely to doubt your identity.

Concentrate On Your Professional Goals

This is a great way to keep negativity and depression at bay. As a transgender person, it’s very important that you focus on your professional goals. When you are struggling with so many issues and trying to live out an identity that society is constantly trying to negate, it’s understandable that your professional life will suffer. But if you stay determined and concentrate on your professional goals, this can be therapeutic for your personal life.

Just as you set various goals for your personal life, do the same for your professional one. If you are in a field of work where one constantly needs to update their knowledge, take regular refresher courses. If there is a particular aspect of your work you need to improve, concentrate on that. Also, focus on your communication skills since these are very important for work.

As you focus more and more on your professional goals, your mind will become more rational and organized. And you won’t have any time or inclination for negativity or irrational thoughts.

Educate Others About Trans Issues

Give yourself the task of making your friends, family, and colleagues more aware of transgender issues. Talk to them, get to know their thinking, and then give them your perspective. Society has a lot of misconceptions about trans people. And a lot of these stereotypes exist because there is no awareness enough. This kind of brainstorming will help in creating that awareness.

Many transgender individuals are in a state of constant self-doubt about their identity because of societal stereotyping and expectations. Society knows little or nothing about trans people. So they try to fit into the binaries of male or female as defined by society and get anxious in the process. So it is important for every trans person to educate those known to him about trans issues. This will slowly lead to a change at the level of society and also strengthen his/her sense of identity as a trans man or woman.